What to Wear to a Funeral: A Guide

Cecile Walters Trotter • February 9, 2023

Funerals are a time to pay respects to the deceased and their family.Over the years societal norms on funeral attire have shifted to more casual garments. While It’s not uncommon to see blue jeans and sandals, funeral attendees should consider the message their clothing choices send. Let’s discuss what appropriate funeral attire looks like so you can honor the deceased and their family, and not draw attention away from the true reason of the gathering.

Length of Clothing Matters

Ladies: More so than the color of the garment, length still matters when it comes to funeral attire. Mini skirts and low-cut tops should be left in the closet for other social events. Tops that cover arms are preferred, and should not be too tight fitting. If you want to wear something more creative than a basic dress or pantsuit, consider a blouse with an ankle-length skirt or an ankle-length maxi dress instead of shorts or capris. The key here is to keep it modest and appropriate for all audiences, regardless of how casual the deceased may have been in life.

Rethink Denim

Denim jeans have come a long way from the everyday work pants, darker-washed denim especially. No matter how much they cost, ripped jeans, (whether at the thigh, knee, or hem) should be reconsidered, as should skinny jeans. Just because something is expensive does not mean it is respectful. If you must wear denim, go for a dark color that shows no wear in the knees or back pockets, and is not fraying at the hem.

A better alternative would be to opt for dress pants, khakis, nice leggings, or even a skirt depending on your comfort level and what feel appropriate for your body type. It's also important to remember that any colors worn should be muted colors - nothing bright or flashy - as this would distract from the somber atmosphere at the service. Black is customary, but other neutral colors such as navy, gray, brown and dark green are also quite nice.

Accessories Should Be Low Key As Well

Your jewelry should also be kept simple when attending funerals. Stick with small pieces such as stud earrings, small pendants on delicate chains, classic watches, etc., to avoid drawing attention away from what really matters during this time—being respectful to yourself and those around you while honoring the memory of the deceased person in attendance. Shoes should also be conservative – close-toed pumps or flats are always acceptable choices. Sandals are generally discouraged unless they are very formal sandals made of leather rather than plastic or rubber materials. This goes for men as well – dress shoes are always best as sneakers can look too casual for a funeral setting.

Funerals are times of reflection and respect for both ourselves and those who have passed away before us. Selecting an outfit in dark colors that aren't too revealing—and if possible opt for something made from natural fabrics like cotton over synthetic ones—will help make sure you look dignified while paying your respects at a funeral service. Dressing appropriately for funerals can be tricky but following these guidelines will help ensure you look respectable while showing respect to the family and the deceased.

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How Writing Thank You Cards Can Help You Heal After Loss

By Cecile Walters Trotter • August 10, 2023

The act of writing thank you cards is a powerful gesture that can have a significant impact on both the sender and receiver. Not only is it considered good manners, but in the midst of grief, it's important not to overlook the power of gratitude and the impact that a simple thank you note can have. Sending thank you notes after a funeral is a thoughtful and respectful gesture that can provide comfort and closure to both the bereaved and those who attended the service. It's a way to express gratitude for the support and kindness shown during a difficult time, and to acknowledge the contributions and memories of the loved one who has passed. Typically thank you notes are sent to all who participated in the funeral, including clergy, pallbearers, and lectors; and to those people who sent flowers, food, or charitable contributions in memory of your loved one. In addition to being a meaningful way to show appreciation, thank you notes can also serve as a way to stay connected with family and friends after the funeral. By taking the time to write a personal message, you can strengthen relationships and build a sense of community during a time of grieving. When writing a thank you note after a funeral, it's important to keep a few things in mind. First, be sincere and heartfelt in your message, expressing your gratitude in a way that feels authentic and true to your emotions. Second, be specific and personal in your note, referencing specific acts of kindness or words of comfort that were particularly meaningful to you. And finally, be timely in your response, sending your note within a few weeks of the funeral to ensure that it is received and appreciated. Overall, sending thank you notes after a funeral is a simple yet powerful way to show gratitude and compassion during a difficult time. By taking the time to express your appreciation, you can honor the memory of your loved one and strengthen the bonds of friendship and family that support you through life's challenges. Here are some examples of sentiments expressed: "Please accept our sincere thanks for (the card, flowers, etc.) you sent in memory of my mother. It is only the generosity of good friends like you that has gotten us through this very difficult time. Thank you Respectfully yours," "I know how much (the deceased) enjoyed spending time with you volunteering at (name of charity). Your thoughtful contribution to (name of charity) certainly honors her memory. Thank you for supporting such a wonderful organization in her name. With sincere appreciation," "Your love and support during this difficult time has made the seemingly unbearable, bearable. Thank you for the gorgeous white floral stand you sent to the funeral home. I know that (deceased) would have loved them. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Warmly," "On behalf of the entire family, please accept our appreciation for the (food items) sent to the visitation at the funeral home. We all needed the nourishment and comfort it provided. It was all so delicious, and we are deeply grateful for your kindness. Sincerely," ---- In closing, it is important to remember that there is no deadline on when to send a thank you card. While it may seem like another task that must be completed immediately, taking the time to sincerely write out your gratitude to friends and neighbors will help move you along in your grief journey much more than rushing through this opportunity for thoughtful communication.